Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
