at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
