I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
