a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
