i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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