if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
