What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
