"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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