Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
