Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
