Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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