I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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