Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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