she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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