New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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