last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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