Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
