like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we're chasing vodka with high fives
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
