You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
