First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
