Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sober January is a disaster.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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