It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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