you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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