Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
