I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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