just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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