I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
