Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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