4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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