why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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