proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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