Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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