About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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