His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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