When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
