I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
be right there i have to get my cape
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
