I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
