please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
