I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
