I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am one with the molecules
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
