I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
