He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
