Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
