He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
People in love make me want to vomit
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
