you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Send help, water and tortillas.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
