I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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