come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
