All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
