You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
