you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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