it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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