trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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