Little spoons don't ask big questions
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
